Actually, dear Santa. I'm writing to you a list of changes that you may be concerned with this year in your delivery of presents. I hope this letter gets to you before another postal rate increase.
Times have really changed from years ago, no doubt, making your job more difficult. There is now a rumor that you will add Spanish to your request network. I realize, today, everyone must fax or text you. Please, don't text while flying in your sleigh.
Santa, don't let Rudolph, Dixen, Dancer, Prancer and Vixen go too fast. Some communities set up speed traps. Maybe they could post signs that read ''Slow down to see our fine town. Speed up to see our nice jail.''
Tell Rudolph, also, to be careful because of his bright nose. It is somewhat like a laser and might blind airplane pilots.
Santa, I don't think you'll be able to come undetected anymore. A lot of cities have speed cameras set up and hunters everywhere are putting trail cams in yards and woods.
Santa, that whip you snap when your sleigh takes off, be careful someone doesn't turn you in for animal cruelty. Today's society walks on thin ice.
Also, a lot of towns have noise ordinances. Maybe you could install noise suppressers on the reindeer bells.
Be real careful, Santa, on your travels. Some states have stand-your-ground laws. Once you hit the roof, anything can happen. Maybe Mrs. Claus could make your suit with Kevlar.
Please, leave your pipe outside in the sleigh. You're not allowed to smoke in a lot of buildings anymore.
Santa, you might have to install wheels on your sleigh because of the climate change we might be getting.
Santa, keep an elf posted on your sleigh and turn on your sleigh alarm before you go down the chimney. Crime is real bad everywhere.
Getting your elves to build toys might be a problem because of the right-to-work laws being passed everywhere. I know the North Pole has a good union. I know none of your toys say ''Made in China'' on them.
Santa, I know your overhead is really going up this year now that you and Mrs. Claus and all the elves are required to have Obamacare. The ''Ho! Ho! Ho!'' is coming from our government these days.
Santa, have they started fracking at the North Pole yet? With Google Earth they have their eyes on everything.
Santa, isn't modern social advancement wonderful these days? I want to leave you some milk and cookies but the Surgeon General is looking out for your health.
Merry Christmas to all. Thanks, Santa.
P.S. Please sprinkle some fairy dust on our Capitol so Congress can start working again.
-- Paul Lawson, McDonald